By Cheryl Ward
Head of School
Calvary Schools of Holland
This is the final note in my series about the value of a Calvary education. Read my introduction, part 1, part 2 , and part 3 on this topic on our blog at the button below.
Read my introduction, part 1, part 2, and part 3 on this topic on our blog here.
My father did not meet his own father until he was two and a half years old. My grandfather had been shipped off to the Pacific before my father was born, and he did not return until WWII ended, profoundly shaped by the terrible things he had experienced.
I only ever knew my grandfather to be quiet and kind, but I also remember that my grandfather’s nerves were a constant source of tension when we children were being too rambunctious.
When I was older, my father told me that the reason he said “I love you” so much was because his own father never said it. While he knew that his father loved him, he still longed for the words. And I think my father longed for a father whose nerves weren’t quite so fragile; it’s hard for a child to understand PTSD.
My mother lost her own mother to heart disease when she was fifteen. My mother was born into a large family, and I would presume that having that many children without consistent mothering must have been hard. To some degree, the older siblings learned to care for the younger siblings, and everyone learned to care for themselves a little bit more than other households. My mother learned to be self-reliant.
She also had a collection of precious items that I was sometimes allowed to hold or view:
- A 1940’s framed picture of the maternal grandmother I never knew, in her white nurse’s uniform and hat.
- The antique handmade angel candlestick holders.
- The circle pin with the beautiful pearls.
- The hand stitched napkins made by my grandmother’s own hands, which were never to be used.
I understood when I was a child that these were items of immeasurable value and symbols of motherly love from my own mother’s childhood.
My parents’ opinions on family life were born out of their Christian convictions and also, I’m sure, from their separate upbringings. My parents also read many books on parenting due to their circumstances.
They believed that family time together was the most important thing — dinner, family night, trips, and reading together were all important to them. Family time was for family only, and everyone engaged. They believed in saying “no” as often as necessary and saying “yes” when it was wise, good, or beneficial.
We went out in nature together as much as possible. We played lots of family games. We hiked and fished and hunted and camped. We had to weed our portion of the garden once a week and mow the lawn and wash the car. In the winter, we cleared the walk and built winter forts that we could sleep in if we bundled up properly.
And for the most part, we did these things as a family together. My parents believed that the best way to disciple children was to be side-by-side, doing the work together.
I share all of this as an introduction to my own experience being raised by intentional parents, but here’s the thing — I have nothing to offer. This article is not about anyone telling anyone else how to parent.
What we can talk about is how education — specifically, this model of education — intersects with views and choices as a parent. After all, schools involve children who have parents, and parents choose schools for their children, so it matters that views broadly align.
Choosing a school is an act of intentional parenting — possibly one of the most important decisions a parent will make on behalf of their child.
Charlotte Mason developed a comprehensive view of the relationship between education and parenting. She viewed parents as the primary educators and emphasized the importance of proactive, rather than reactive, engagement from parent to child regarding character, habits, and respectful relationships with the world. The best possible partnership between parents and school is born out of this shared viewpoint.
She believed that if there is a large disconnect between school environment and home environment, the results would be severely limited. She also viewed parents as being in a state of growth in the midst of this. She wasn’t advocating for perfectionism in anyone. She was advocating for maturity.
Where that kind of aligned partnership exists, school and parent relationships thrive. That principle of aligned partnership can also be applied to the church, youth group, clubs, sports, and individual interests. Where home life and church atmosphere align, or home life and youth group culture align, as examples, the child is most likely to thrive. Where there is disconnect, there are limitations.
Intentional parenting, according to Charlotte Mason, means the following:
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Home environment matters deeply — Children absorb values, attitudes, and habits through the culture of the home.
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The cultivation of good habits early in life matters deeply — Children will learn order, cleanliness, duty, kindness, and respect through the culture of the home. Children learn the meaning of must, no, hard work, and joy in togetherness through the culture of the home. Children learn obedience at home through consistency and example.
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The pursuit of growth and knowledge matters deeply — Children begin educational, moral, and spiritual development at home. Parents should also be doing this work alongside their children.
Charlotte Mason also believed that parents needed to be growing and educating themselves throughout their parenting years and beyond. This means growing, reading, and exploring intentional parenting.
The intentional decision to send your children to Calvary Schools means that this resonates with you. And we are grateful to be standing with you, together, on this journey, to the best of our ability.
And acknowledging that every human construct will always have limitations, and every organization will always have flaws that need fixing, Calvary Schools is proud of the growth in its community and in itself organizationally — only ten years into this ambitious venture of transforming our school culture.
In ten years, we have already accomplished so much together. We focus on formation, rather than information. That takes a great deal of intentionality about things that our surrounding culture often let slide.
We care about the little things. It’s the little things that often matter most.
At its heart, this is what it means to be doing this work together. This is what it means to receive a Calvary education — and it is an excellent one. A valuable education indeed.
More Resources on Intentional Parenting
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Click here for more Calvary-recommended resources on parenting and Charlotte Mason.
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Thrive Today ministry, led by Calvary parents Chris and Jen Coursey, provides practical training on how to engage in relationships well. Finding you or your teenager in “enemy mode” lately? Thrive Today can help you learn how to identify enemy mode and shift into healthier relational patterns. Learn more here.
Cheryl Ward is the Head of School & Executive Director at Calvary Schools of Holland. She has served the Calvary community since 2015, stepping into her current role in 2021. Cheryl’s passion is transforming educational settings through the underlying philosophy, relationships, structures, and processes that support them. She has a bachelor’s degree in education and a second degree in Biblical studies, as well as a master’s of education degree. She has been an advocate for Charlotte Mason education, and an Ambleside affiliate, since 2009.